


Just Breathe

by KorrinBelle



Series: Domesticia [16]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Family Fluff, M/M, Men Crying, Newborn Children, Surrogate Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 06:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5323631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KorrinBelle/pseuds/KorrinBelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the big moment. Shiemi's gone in to labor and Rin has trouble dealing with simply sitting down and waiting as such a monumental change takes place in their lives. Ryuuji acts like a cool cucumber, but he's harboring his own silent worries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this chapter was so delayed. My work hours have doubled as we've moved in to the Christmas season, so I've had less time to write, but also, something about this chapter gave me a lot of trouble and I was completely unmotivated to work on it with what little spare time I did have.  
> Mostly, I wrote this chapter because it seems like an incredibly important moment in their lives, but there isn't really any conflict and I don't like writing was feels like pointless fluff. I definitely didn't want to add pregnancy complications just for the sake of creating conflict, because I know that's an incredibly delicate subject for some people, so instead it's mostly just Ryuuji being a worrywart again while Rin flips his shit.
> 
> Also, my work schedule is going to continue to be busy through December, and I'm going to be busier in my private life as well, so I'm officially postponing updates until the new year. You know... Instead of just not posting with no warning... Hope you all have Happy Holidays.

            Ryuuji took a deep breath and tried to ignore Rin, who seemed dead set on wearing a path in to the floor. His head was down and his hands were clasped behind his back as he anxiously circled the open space in front of the maternity ward’s waiting room. Ryuuji grit his teeth, his eyes tracking Rin as he moved across the room, one side to the other and back again. He glanced up at the clock. They’d been there for hours and were uncomfortable, tired, and anxious, having come off the high of an adrenaline rush spurred by Shiemi’s water breaking, only to be left waiting with no end in sight.

            Rin crossed the room again. And again.

            Unable to hold back any longer, Ryuuji grabbed Rin’s arm as he walked by, abruptly halting his incessant pacing. “Could you sit down?” Ryuuji hissed, trying to keep quiet.

            “No,” Rin said, shaking off Ryuuji’s grip. “I can’t. I- How are you even sitting? I’m way too nervous.”

            “You’re making _me_ nervous,” Ryuuji said, grabbing hold of Rin’s arm again and forcing him down in to the neighbouring seat. “And I can see your tail twitching under your shirt,” he added in a hushed voice. “You’re gonna’ start to freak people out.”

            The maternity waiting room wasn’t full, but there were a few other  people—friends, family and other expectant husbands, all doing their best to wait patiently—but when Rin glanced around some of them looked away, clearly trying to hide the fact that they’d been staring.

            Rin hunched down in to his chair, practically shaking in an effort to stay still, and gave a quiet, frustrated growl.

            “Aagh, I can’t help it! All this waiting. I feel so useless.”

            Ryuuji snorted. It was much the same way he’d felt when his father was in the hospital, of course this time was completely different. It was funny that Rin had seemed so calm then, when Ryuuji’s father had potentially been a hair’s breadth away from death. Of course, Rin had already lost his own father. Perhaps he’d known that the most important thing he could do for Ryuuji was simply be there for him. Now they were both in completely unfamiliar territory and Ryuuji found their roles reversed as Rin acted like he expected the worst to happen.

            “All we can do is trust the doctors. Besides, the pregnancy has been completely normal up ‘till now—no complications or unusual risks. It’ll be fine,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. He tapped his foot impatiently, the only outward appearance of his agitation, and silently hoped everything _would_ be fine. There was always a risk. Something _could_ happen, but Rin didn’t need to hear that now.

            Rin groaned in agitation, clenching his fists and biting his lip in a futile effort to restrain the sound.

            “I know,” he said, “I just... I just can’t sit around and do nothing!”

            Ryuuji placed his hand on Rin’s shoulder, squeezing gently and trying to ease some of the tension out of the rigid muscle. “You just gotta’ breathe. That’s all we can do right now.

            He started taking deep even breaths to illustrate his point and after a moment of skepticism Rin instinctively began to emulate him, closing his eyes as he breathed, trying to let the tension melt away.

            “Hey?” Rin’s eyes snapped open only to narrow in a sharp glare. “Isn’t this the breathing technique they teach you in those pregnancy classes?”

 

            “I- what? Maybe. I don’t know,” Ryuuji stuttered, his face darkening as his annoyance returned, “Deep breathing is a standard meditation technique.”

            “I ain’t a woman!”

            “I know that!”

            Ryuuji’s eye twitched as Rin continued to gripe at him, but he couldn’t stop a small smirk from blossoming on his face when he realized that Rin had, at least for the time being, completely forgotten why he was so tense in the first place.

            “What the hell are you laughing about?”

            “Nothing!” The smile grew and Rin’s displeasure intensified as Ryuuji tried to restrain his laughter.

            They’d been distracted enough that they hadn’t noticed the nurse’s approach and they now looked up at her as she stood before them, their eyes openly asking the question they were afraid to give voice to. She smiled and nodded.

 

* * *

 

            Shiemi had looked worse, but not by much. They’d all had their fair share of tough fights and dangerous life threatening injuries and Shiemi looked as if she’d just come from one such fight. She was pale and shaky, her hair and hospital gown plastered to her skin with sweat, and she was breathing as if she’d just run a marathon. The tangy, acrid scent of blood and something else they didn’t want to question mingled thick in the air with the scent of hospital disinfectants and hit them like a wall as they entered the room.

            Hospital staff was still bustling about as they helped clean up and get Shiemi settled in to the room where she’d be staying for the next few days while they made sure both her, and the baby, were healthy. A nurse stood at Shiemi’s side, patting her down with a damp cloth and whispering quiet reassurances that everything was okay and that she’d done a good job. Shiemi nodded weakly, but clung to a small bundled lump of blankets resting against her stomach like both their lives depended on it.

            Rin took a hesitant step forward and when Shiemi smiled at him he was at her side in an instant. She laughed weakly and nodded down at the bundle of fabric nestled against her chest.

            The bundle moved, squirming weakly, and Rin’s vision blurred with tears. He hadn’t even seen it yet, his child, and he was already crying. They were fine. Shiemi was fine, the baby was fine. Everybody was fine, and relief washed over Rin like a tsunami, scrubbing away the mountain of stress he hadn’t fully realized he’d been harboring as the flood gates opened and tears streamed down his cheeks. Ryuuji squeezed his shoulder, standing quietly by his side. He might have been worried by the site of the tears, if not for the huge smile that split Rin’s face.

            “Say ‘Hello’ to your daughter,” Shiemi said softly, pulling back the blankets so they could see the tiny squashed face resting against her chest. The newborn girl peered up at them through squinting eyes as they crowded around her. Rin sniffled quietly and wiped his eyes, his shoulders shaking. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling, too overwhelmed to do much of anything, and Shiemi laughed quietly.

            “Do you want to hold her?”

            “O-of course!”

            With some help from a nurse Shiemi sat up, and together they got the little girl in to Rin’s arms where he cradled her carefully, hiccupping quietly as he tried not to cry on her. She fidgeted weakly in Rin’s arms, reaching out with her tiny hands and turning to face him. Rin’s lip trembled and he started to wheeze, unable to form words around the tears and Ryuuji stepped in close, ready to take their daughter from Rin if he had to.

            “Remember what I said earlier. Just breathe.”

            Rin nodded emphatically and started taking deep shaky breaths as he tried to calm himself. He continued to sob, but after a moment his breathing returned to some semblance of normalcy. He looked up at Ryuuji, unable to suppress his smile even as he tried to keep his breathing normal.

            “S-she’s j-just so beautiful.”

            Ryuuji returned Rin’s smile with a snort and a lopsided smirk. He thought ‘beautiful’ might have been a bit of an overstatement. Freshly born, her face was red, wrinkled, and blotchy, and her tiny misshapen skull sported patchy peach fuzz hair, but physical appearances didn’t matter. To Ryuuji there was nothing more beautiful than the site of his husband, smiling brightly while openly sobbing as he held their new baby girl.

            Lily. Their daughter.

            He might not have been anywhere near as overwhelmed as Rin, but Ryuuji’s heart did little flips in his chest and he couldn’t suppress his own smile as Rin continued to laugh and cry at the same time. He stepped in close, wrapping his arms loosely around Rin while leaving space for Lily, who, despite all odds had remained silent during the whole exciting exchange even though everything should have been a new and terrifying experience for her. Instead she kept her head turned towards Rin, as if listening for the sound of his voice.

            As a newborn her sight wasn’t yet good enough to make out more than lights and shapes, but her hearing should have been stronger and Rin had done a lot of sickeningly embarrassing things like talking to Shiemi’s stomach. Ryuuji hadn’t quite felt comfortable doing the same. Shiemi and him were close, but not like she was with Rin. He wondered… Did Lily already recognize Rin’s voice?

            With an odd sense of ironic timing Lily started to cry and Ryuuji and Rin instantly fell apart, wondering if they’d done something to hurt her, somehow screwing up parenthood barely five minutes in to it, when another nurse entered the room.

            “I’m right on time by the sounds of it,” she said, “She’s probably hungry and I’m here to teach you how to breastfeed.”

            That last sentence had been directed at Shiemi and it only took a moment for Rin and Ryuuji to turn red as they realized what she had said. Rin passed Lily back to Shiemi, but was loathe to fully leave their side, brushing the back of his hand against Lily’s cheek, even as she continued to cry.

            “You doing okay?” Ryuuji asked, and Shiemi nodded, giving him one of her little determined smiles.

            “I’m tired and sore, but mostly… I’m really hungry too.”

            Ryuuji chuckled, running his hand through his hair. He was tired from just sitting and waiting hours on end. He could only imagine how she felt.

            “How about when we come back we bring you something from the cafeteria?”

            “Sounds perfect.”

            Rin was still sniffling, wiping his eyes and nose on his sleeve as Ryuuji led him from the room.

            “I didn’t realize you were such a crybaby.”  

            “I-I’m not! I just-”

            “I know,” Ryuuji said as he ruffled Rin’s hair, “I’m just giving you a hard time. What’ya say we get something to eat first. Give Shiemi some time with Lily and the nurse before returning.”

            “Ugh, cafeteria food?”

            “Yeah, I know…”

            Ryuuji reached to pat Rin’s hair again, but the other man ducked the attempt and darted out of reach, spinning to stick his tongue out before turning back around and heading for the elevator.

            Ryuuji let out a quiet chuff of a laugh as he followed.

            Tears had been fairly high up on the list of expected reactions, alongside exuberant swearing, fist pumping and hysterical giddy laughter. Given how excited Rin had been for the entire pregnancy, Ryuuji hadn’t expected anything less than for Rin to be completely overwhelmed. What he hadn’t been sure of, was his own list of possible reactions. Sure, he was happy of course. There was even a small amount of giddiness—which he felt the instinctive urge to suppress, to remain in control of himself and his emotions—but he wasn’t sure how much of it was genuine and how much of it was being excited _for_ Rin. It wasn’t like he wasn’t excited, but perhaps that simply didn’t compare to how nervous he felt. Nervous about what the future would bring and whether or not he’d be a good father—Rin would be a great father, of course, there was no questioning that—but for Ryuuji, only time would tell.


End file.
